The Bastard Child

BASTARD!
Why is it that I have become so accustomed to this word?
I'm so used to being called it that it is apart of me,
It's attached to my brain and if you don't call me it that would confuse me so greatly,
But why is that?
Is it because of the person that told me that is what I'am?
The person that blamed my forced title on him?
Or because a bastard is basically what I'am,
Should I continue to accept this title?
I would feel lost if I reject this title,
Because this title is the answer to my many unanswered questions,
The relief for the tension of my many heartfelt rejections,
Why isn't he here? Why does she treat me so differently?
Why do I look so much different from my siblings?
Why is it when I ask her questions she looks so sad?
Is it really that bad,
To quetion the whereabouts of my dad?
My mother is a answer hider,
For 10 years I have felt like an outsider,
And then I regret it,
My wish was granted,
I met him and I thouht it would feel enchanted,
The love that I dreamed,
The love I have longed to feel,
The love that led my heart to roam in all the wrong places,
The love that led my eyes to land on all the wrong faces,
A confused child I wasn't anymore,
The lies didnt come from my mom's voice anymore,
It was me and him alone,
Speechless was I,
No words just jibberish that led me to cry,
Tears of joy and sorrow mixed together,
Tears as hard as rock and leather,
But even though he was there I still felt empty,
Unwanted and alone,
His body was there but his soul was out of sight,
And just like magic he vanished into the light,
Should I beg him for the 23 years of child support?
Should I embarrassed him on TV or at a DNA court?
Should I hold a grudge for the way he's done me?
Should I deny his request for help with my money?
KARMA!
I love karma,
Because now my help is needed,
But no regards to my lost of attention or all the times I have pleaded,
To live happy and just know that you care,
You need my money but I didn't I just needed you there,
At all my soccer and cheerleading games,
And all my graduations,
And even now I need you at all my hair show celebrations,
But still you are a ghost to my existance,
You only call when you need me,
You remember you have a daugther when you see me on TV,
Just know that I made it without your assistance,
Just know that I was born without your deliverance,
Just know that a mighty one has blossomed from your seed,
Just know that being a bastard has helped me do good deeds,
I will fight to prevent others from taking my title,
My family will be taking care of and not live the way I lived,
Being a bastard has brought me so far so why should I have shame?
This title has made me stronger and tougher so goodbye sperm donor...a bastard this champ will remain.