Dulled Happiness

I lie here in this bed,
Blood-thirsty and wretching,
Memories dancing in my head.

My own mind I'm starting to doubt,
Lost in sleepless nights,
Adopting a righteous pout.

My hopes have been dissheveled,
Smacked with expectations and lonliness,
Only to have my wanting leveled,

Finding myself inviting fear,
Leaving my conscience a dull whisper,
A lost child, at which, I leer.

The rage in my eyes has died,
Leaving me as an empty shell,
A river that has dried.

Slipping into insanity,
Useless and nonexsistant,
Losing all humanity.

I fade away quietly,
Recoiling into myself,
Fighting and losing nightly.

Emotionless and feeling numb,
Phased by everything and nothing at all,
Becoming so very lonesome.

In my skin I don't belong,
Writhering around restlessly,
My mind whispers "so long".

The fing in me has gone away,
A worthless battle against myself,
While remote loneliness is here to stay.

Nothing will ever be the same,
Another damned soul,
A hapless player in life's game.