The Space In Her Mind

I don’t care that the words that come out of my throat are never worth the effort to quote, there’s only one reason for the shit that I wrote, and that’s just to hear something without its sugary coat. Whether you believe what I write or choose between the wrong and the right, I’m just trying to explain what it’s like to always sleep alone when it’s night.

“I stared back at those pathetic dark eyes, his busted lips dripping with lies. Screaming at the color blind skies till the sun had no other choice but to rise. The mirror shattered and fell, and I stood there desperate as hell as my clenched fist started to swell, recognizing this instant a little to well. Half meant kisses are never erased, just slowly hidden and oddly replaced with a set of smiles that loves only the chase, singing I’ll never forget her bitter sweet taste. I laughed and went on my way, just to come back some lonely ass day asking if there’s any possible way she might care enough to potentially stay. Turned out to be such a fuckin mistake because I held out more then she wanted to take, so she gripped it without the thought that any would break and if some did, who cared, it wasn’t that great. I chose to look somewhere else, so at least I didn’t have to watch it myself, because truthfully I’d blame someone else for the damage I unknowingly chose for myself. It was a hopeless attempt to make three words come true, and stop the past that I can’t stand that I knew, from clawing and biting its fuckin way through, ravaging the everyday things that I do. I still don't know if she’s ever given a shit, racing towards understanding an impossible fit, her attitude made it easy to quit and leave with only a single thought to admit. Something I can’t get myself to confess because it’s hard enough to address without raising my level of stress so I labeled it as something that’s only meant to repress. If you don’t care about me then I don’t care about you, if you got love for me then god damnit I love you too, but I can’t deny that I care cuz I do, truthfully all I ever really wanted was you. I don’t understand how it could be so easy, to pick up and leave me, without the respect to at least visit and see me, and come clean about how she really perceived me. With silence and grins she left me defined, useless and dull, nothing special to find, just another simple waste of her time not even worth the space in her mind. So I forced a smile the last time we spoke, as she exhaled some dirty black smoke, subtly grinned and classed me a joke, so I quietly left and silently broke. I promised we’d talk and forget what we did, but I hope I never see her again.. or the secrets we’ve hid. “