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The Legend Of Billy Walker

Act I: Transformation

I am the meek traveler
Seeker of true bounty, foretold by wise men
Tall in stature, thin as rail
The heart of a lion
Mind of a mad man
Pride of an eagle, stouthearted and bold
Mother warned me of shadowy demons
Their wicked schemes, trickery and deception
Tucked in tight, armed with pleasant dreams
Shut your eyes child, the lord will keep
With time a boy transitioned to manhood
Arms bulging, jewels for eyes
His hunger for solace, consumed his tomorrow
Guzzled the poison, "Oh baby, take one sip of me
I am your companion on this powerful journey
You'll see fireworks when my work is through"
Clung tight to this bottle, light headed and dumb
The devil's new fool
Ambitions clung tight, slipping away
Crushed by the steal toe of decadence

The beast is risen
Lowly savage, stumbling philistine
Cursing the god's, the stars, the universe
I am the hulking giant, my life is new
Destroyer of tranquility, prophet of sorrow!
Cracked my skull, these demons slipped through
Seeping into my wild aspirations
I watched as they were eaten alive
Laughing, convulsing, my gaze averted
Helpless peers, they scramble and hide
Fearful of the creature I have become
Rage descends from the hand of Aries
Crimson constellations, their menacing anger
Falling over myself, my anthem blares louder
A call to arms, I choose the weakest link
"Im better than you, in every possible way"
Swung all my hate, contact!
His eyes white as his body went limp
The blood, the carnage, darkness descends
An instant I was in the cold,
My victim, I cannot recall

The blue moon has risen again
Brought to earth, a fallen star
Mutated, bastardized
Shame engraved deep in my bones
Slave! They mocked
"Drink yourself to squalor"
Cursed forever, with this wretched transformation

Angel watched me from afar
Sobbing, pleading to the soul within
"Stop this madness, selfish debauchery"
I snatch her wrist, imposing my lust
Collapsing lifeless, her heart shattered
My soul will be given to the most persistent
Bounty for this foul, merciless beast
Retreat behind the sun's ray's
The monster defeated
My better half, soaked in blood
Billy Walker will pay for his crimes

Comments

Riane's picture

Hi! I'm new here so I'm not

Hi! I'm new here so I'm not sure what people usually comment on when they comment, so I'm just going to do it the way I did on my old site. Give my thoughts and offer any suggestions I have.

I love religious poems, I myself am not particularly religious but I feel people tend to put a lot of passion in when writing about religion: negatively or positively.

I honestly didn't feel you ended this well, you start talking about an angel and her heart shattering (imagery I enjoyed, comes through very clear and crisp), next thing I know, the monster is defeated! I think adding another stanza, perhaps describing the beast's retreat a little more would be a better end. Not that the final lines are bad, it just didn't feel cohesive to me.

I'm a stickler for minor details, very critical:
--thin as [a] rail
--Shut your eyes child, the Lord will keep [you]
--The devil's new[est] (or latest) fool
--Crushed by the [steel] toe of decadence (spelling)
--Cursing the gods, the stars, the universe (no apostrophe needed)

Obviously these things aren't really important to the structure of your poem, but when I read I prefer not to come across typos and little things like that, if I do I have to correct them or suggest to the author they correct them.

Hopefully you don't find my nitpicking annoying!

JRS

V-C-L's picture

I greatly appreciate your

I greatly appreciate your honesty it is so refreshing. I will actually make some of those changes. Thank you so much!