Confession To My Only

Confession

You know, I search for so many ways to escape
To leave the memories that continue to chase me today
Droppin hints in every piece that I write
But nothing I say ever comes out right
I find myself once again blazed out my mind
Flippin through the smiles I left so far behind
Like how I couldn’t sleep without your head on my chest
Drowning in liquor cuz of the tolerance I test
Or when you’d wake me from my nightmares with a kiss on the cheek
You told me not to be scared cuz I was everything but weak
So you’d pull me closer cuz you said you felt secure
You seemed so innocent, so flawlessly pure
Still from motion, stoned, staring right through a door
I imagine you on the other side but as you once were before
So pathetic, I beg, please not again, don’t hurt me
I remember the times you hugged me so tightly
Without the courage to ask you if I was ever loved
Cuz I can’t handle the truth behind the shit I think of
I’m torn back to my reality but not as high
So depressed I empty a bottle just to get by
So foolish, I know.. but whatever
Maybe I’ll learn to treat myself better
I decided it’s not your fault, it was no longer the same
I scream at myself because I know I'm the one to blame
I’m so fuckin worthless, so stupid, so ugly
You were too pretty, too beautiful, so much above me
Head in my hands, tears getting too hard to hold back
Burning through, so heavy even the concrete cracks
So fucked up, another vision repeats
Lookin for just the right words chosen to speak
With all anger, pride and hate beneath me
I kneel down close and kiss her hand sweetly
‘I finally realized why it’ll all be okay’
‘I finally know exactly what I mean to say’
I stood up, so alone, so I turned away instead
‘I don’t give a fuck if you’re alive or dead’.